Along the journey in finding my family the term “ghosting” has taken on an entirely new meaning or should I say “perspective”. Truthfully, I cannot ever recall “ghosting” someone. IF I have and you are the person I unknowingly did this to-I AM SORRY! There are many things that could be worse than “ghosting” but it ranks up there in the TOP 10 Shitty things to do to another person. (David Letterman can borrow my list)
Just because we as humans don’t have the courage to face issues and discuss them in an adult manner, we should never give way to treating someone as though they just NEVER existed.
The term “GHOSTING” became mainstream in the past decade. It became popular due to on-line dating. The term is often used in reference to romantic relationships, but also is prevalent in scenarios where contact has ceased completely by friends and family. Kimberly Troung wrote the following about “ghosting” in Refinery29:
“Ghosting, the noun, and to ghost, the verb, have been added to the dictionary, and have been defined as ‘the phenomenon of leaving a relationship of some kind by abruptly ending all contact with the other person, and especially electronic contact, like texts, emails, and chats.” Hey, if a word like this gets a place in the dictionary, then we know that it has become a significant issue in our society. An issue that none of us should be proud of and we should each strive to be better communicators. It is a passive aggressive way of telling someone to go “jump in a lake”.
The flip side to this, however, are the people that are told the truth and have been communicated that the relationship ending. Yet, they keep on coming back for more and won’t let up in their endeavors to pursue the person that has been kind enough to communicate properly. Or there are times when someone is abusive, conducting illegal activities or presenting toxic behavior and they leave no choice but to be ghosted. These kind of circumstances call for an immediate “ghosting” and one should take the hint that they have been given a message and walk away.
So why do people “ghost” someone? Mainly? They don’t want to face the truth and they are usually people that avoid confrontation and discussion at all costs.
Yet, while they are running as fast as they can from the situation, they are leaving a trail of loss, hurt and grief behind them. In my case, a first cousin reached out to me and we had great interaction. Then suddenly one of my newly found half-sisters, Donna, started making calls to family members telling them not to speak to me. This first cousin (we will call her Renee) was the child to my only living, immediate family member-my uncle.
In the beginning, she was positive, loving and my heart was overflowing with the chance to meet her and my uncle. She cut off all contact and since then my uncle passed away, leaving me with a loss that is difficult to define. All I wanted was to hear stories about my biological father and to connect the pieces. Sadly, this was taken from me. It is my pain and I own it, but this is one of the most hurtful things that biological family members can do to those of us that are merely seeking the truth.All Posts
It is a common place story to hear of a Non-Parent Expected to have met a parent or relative and then to be completely ignored afterwards.
The Ghoster and the Ghostee neither one win.
Until Next Time,
Lezlee