Remember the movie “Freaky Friday” when Jamie Lee Curtis (as the mom) and Lindsey Lohan (daughter) magically switch places and get the chance to witness each other’s issues and problems firsthand? “Vice Versa” is another movie where dad and son live the life of the other. The outcomes are sweet and a gained respect for child and parent are the result.
Some days this DNA Surprise can feel a little like the proverbial “switch”. It is not the story of two different people switching places and gaining that mutual understanding. It is the reality of ONE individual finding their “other self”. A self that they never met before. Learning about a life that they never lived or knew about is now front and center. Figuring out the best way to navigate this new personality/persona/background and life is not easy but it is feasible to come out on the other side with a positive experience. But like everything in life there is no perfect answer or outcome. Unfortunately, it is not like these two movies that always has a happy ending.
There exists something positive in every path we take. It is how we process and react that matters. We can exist as a victim or we can grab onto the nuggets of good whether they be large or small and build upon our story.
There are those of us that sought out the truth and then there are so many people that were thrown into the realm of this unknown without even desiring the outcome. Bottomline, with the discovery of a non-parent expected, it is the choice of everyone involved to decide how they will deal with this newfound knowledge of the past.
People can be cruel in how they handle this experience but I still advocate that it is the right of the NPE to know the truth. How one handles the information after their discovery is up to them. Learning about our past is not a crime. Asking questions is not a sin. Nor are those of us attempting to acquire more knowledge about our families seeking financial gain. We are merely seeing the Truth-Our Truth!
Whether you are the person learning that they have an unexpected parent, or you are a family member that is finding out about an unknown relative I encourage you to be kind. Walk softly because as we all know that until you walk in someone else’s shoes you have no idea the hurt, excitement, fear, pain or pleasure that the other person is experiencing.
I encourage you to continue to pursue your own past, address your feelings, accept that the outcome might not be what you desire. No need for anyone to “come in like a wrecking ball” but at the same time no one has the right to treat you with contempt or blame you for the past decisions of your parents (or family). Keep on pursuing your Life as you see fit. There is no perfect answer, and you must explore, research and absorb at your own pace.
Seeking counseling is always a good thing and journaling your journey can be therapeutic. Please do not dismiss these options because we all need the help of others, and a counselor is an unbiased person that help with that navigation. Journaling can help you get the cobwebs out of your brain that can truly help when you see it on paper. It comes alive and has meaning.
Switching places can be a good thing but loving our past selves and our future selves is the most important as we move forward in this adventure called Life. Your discovery will be what you make of it each step of the way.