I HAD MY SUSPICIONS
Todd and I celebrated holidays, birthdays & other special occasions with the Ballard and Reynolds families. Grandparents were a huge part of our upbringing. It was on one unusual occasion, just after I turned 26 years old, that Dad and I had decided to have dinner alone. We went to one of our favorites, El Chico. This is the evening that he dropped the bomb of how hard it was for him to be around me. The reason he shared was because it hurt him and opened wounds to look at me because of those darned genes. I look just like my mother, and this was hard for him to take, much less to look at me.
To this day I can still remember the pain that went through my heart. Before me was a man that I adored and loved, and he tells me he can’t be around me due to the way I looked. This was out of my control and if I could have changed the way I looked I still wouldn’t have. My mother was my best friend, and she was beautiful, so it was hard for me to be insulted but, I was certainly hurt to the core.
Of course, I brought this up to my mother and asked what Dad was talking about. What was the underlying source for his hatred toward her? What could she have done so wrong that would make it hard for him to look at me? Questions that went unanswered or, as I indicated earlier, this was just silly talk and mom would vehemently deny there was anything out there that he should be so upset about. It was written off to Dad being jealous and he was still in love with Mom so that was why he struggled being around me.
Looking back gives a reality check to the understanding that this was totally narcissistic, and these comments were all to throw me off track and for the adults to cover up a secret.